Root Beer Floats

I didn't look at the clock, but sometime in the hours of the early morning sun you asked "Mommy, can I have some Ginger Ale?"  I said with a finality only a practiced mother can,especially when asked for soda in the morning, "No."

You, smart little you, bargained.  "Well, can I have some of the yellow one?"

"Why some of the yellow one?" I asked, smiling inside thinking for sure she was going to choose the yellow Hanson's can over Canada Dry over Vernor's all in Nonna's cabinet.

"Because the yellow one has less sugar in it."

"Really? Show me which one."

You ran inside, excited that you've got me.  Got me good from No to Show me.

Out you came out with an A&W Root Beer can.  "Can I have some of this one?"

I don't know what made the difference.  Maybe it is my weakness for root beer floats, and for my need to indulge in every fleeting moment of our weekend getaway, knowing that when the hum of the dryer in the background stops, the clean sheets will go on the beds in Prescott, and out the door we will go.

"Yes, you can have some - as long as you share with your sister, " I said, and gulped when I saw 45 grams of sugar on the back of the brown can while I poured some out.

The rest of the morning was filled with coloring, cleaning, packing, playing, driving, snacking, laughing stinking each other out of the car, and reading books. 

I soon lay next to you in your twin bed, snuggled up for nap time. 

Your face, so sweet with grayish spots of caked on sweet from splattered root beer on cheeks, your nose a faded green from marker streaked down it earlier then wiped off with a soggy paper towel, two fingers on your hands a faded blue from the same.  You stroked my face with your black-fingernailed, small three-year-old hand and looked up into my brown eyes with your oddly bigger than mine brown eyes.  I don't want this moment to end; don't want it to fade like your marker-stained skin already has.

We lay there like this together, you tossing from side to side, squinting your eyes shut as hard as you can when I whisper, "Shhhh, it's time for nap," then smiling at me while you peak through your eyelashes.  After a half hour of this, we both give in to the fact that some time resting in bed together is better than none.

We finish the day with Disney's "Chimpanzee" in the movie theatre, popcorn, more snuggles when the music changes from tree frog clicks and whistles to the thunder of a rain forest storm and the warning sound of chimps beating on hollowed root systems of trees, scootering and yard work out front, swinging at the park, time with the neighbors, popsicles outside after dinner, bath, and finally,  rest.

And here I am, ready to put my head on my pillow to dream of you, sweet child, and root beer floats.

Start #1: Gifts 998 to 1001

998. So grateful to our tax person, Christine Nucatola of Salvator & Associates Income Tax & Accounting, for filing our taxes on time for us and for letting us know last night to expect a return that is so needed right now to help us get back on track with the Dave Ramsey plan.  Hope is restored!

999. The most beautiful, unique, haunting combination of one of my loves, the Flamenco guitar, and Indian sitar music that I heard this morning on my drive, transporting me to worlds oceans away.  Here is the link to the interview and two of the songs featured on Anoushka Shankar's Traveller.

1000. My one thousandth gift is my thanks for this very gift of chronicling, writing, living, recognizing, reflecting on, and being grateful for my first Start: One Thousand Gifts.

To start and to finish this has been such a gift in my life; the gifts in a day.  On the days that I make time to record them here, I am so grateful for all that I live, give, and receive.  And on the days that I don't get to the page? On the good days, this start has helped me take notice of the gifts with mental pause and a smile, a heart beat in joy.  On the not so good days, it is the very act of getting back to the page, acknowledging the gifts that are here every day, all day, all around, that makes me realize how easy it is to miss the fullness, depth, and beauty waiting right under my nose for the taking, and how easy it is to jump right back in - no suit required, leaving nothing between my skin and the touches of the world.  Making the time to honor these gifts here forces me to crawl out of those dark spots of my mind into the bright rays of gratefulness, creating an openness in my chest that makes me throw my shoulders back, take a deep breath, and relish.

The best gift is knowing that this gift never ends - no expiration date.  My process/documentation of these gifts may evolve, and hopefully my blog will too as I continue on in my journey of starts, never to be truly finished.

1001. The gift of my dear friend who first shared Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts with me, being in my life and walking this gifted path together.  I am so grateful for our shared thoughts and feelings that inspired us to begin at number one together.  So excited to have learned what happens when we put our minds to something, and wondering what is on the horizon!

Start #1: Gifts 988...

988. A whirlwind of a day helping one person after the next, very gratifying.

989. A blog post shared by my Dad that gave me great pause in the middle of it all.  This brave woman's post also gave me two views of perspective; one of trusting that people are parents to the child(ren) they have for a reason (or reasons) that we may know or have yet to be revealed - to understand that we have Lily with all her beauty of many kinds and sensitivities for a reason; perspective to feel grateful for the many precious moments we have had with our children, and heeding the fact that we don't ever know how much time we will have with our loved ones, and feeling with equal sorry and gratefulness of the limited hours some have together, or that others never meet face to face, little hand wrapped around a large finger of its parent.  I love the courage, strength, and faith the author of this blog bares: http://iwillcarryyou.wordpress.com/about/

990. The brain surge of a good idea.

991. A chat tonight that will hopefully lead to great savings thanks to standby flights!

992. Roasted cauliflower with garlic, olive oil and Parmesan.  Pretty sure I've mentioned that one before, but had it again for dinner tonight and it is something I love having in my life and on my taste buds.  Which means that I should be thankful for evolving taste buds because I wouldn't touch cauliflower with a ten foot pole until a couple of years ago!

993. So grateful to hear that my mom was treated like a princess for her birthday - in just the ways she would want to be pampered and so deserves.

994. Holding hands with Lily while walking in the dark evening and both spotting a flowering Palo Verde tree at the same time.  Lily said, "Mom, it looks so pretty, like a highlighter!"  I said, "That's just what I was thinking, it looks amazing with the flowers lit up against the black sky behind!" 

995. Finding good tennis shoes (a first!) for Lily and seamless toe socks that she LOVES.  Hopefully this will make the mornings just that much smoother without the socks and shoes causing a hang up. 

996. New black flats!  So very grateful, as I have been wearing the same $20 pair since I was pregnant with Emmy and could not stand their condition (or odor, sorry to say, but true) one more day.  And these newbies feel like I'm wearing slippers!  Wow, will I be a happy camper at work:)

997. And while it first appeared that flats were important, I was just reminded otherwise as I just viewed the aforementioned blog www.iwillcarryyou.wordpress.com, read the update of their sweet, miracle baby girl born just yesterday, viewed the pictures on her friend's website that she referenced that give the raw emotion of their story, and will now, with the close of this post, respond to their call for prayers, strength, and peace.

Start #1: Gifts 976...

976. A friend and her husband finding a new, economical place to call home for awhile as they continue to save and live their plan, so inspiring and so happy for them!

977. Wrapping mom's gift ON her birthday:)

978. Starting the day with a morning happy birthday serenade to mom and hearing her smile and laugh through the phone.

979. Tissue paper yellow, white, and red polka dots with red curly ribbon.

980. Another box of brother's belongs packed up from the garage and ready to mail tomorrow with mom's gift.  Progress!

981. Arriving home before 5pm for the first time in weeks!  I felt like I was given the afternoon off but really didn't.  Gave myself the gift of leaving on time at 4pm.

982. Sitting together to tackle the bills and budget tonight. 

983. Taking the time to call to sort out incorrect charges and ending up with a credit on our next bill.  Yahoo!

984. Getting to catch up with a friend tonight by phone and hearing that she and her girls are settling into their first place of their own, gives me such peace and happiness in my heart and for them.

985. Finding one of Ben's Bells yesterday and checking out his website today that is devoted to promoting kindness, a beautiful thing!  www.bensbells.org

986. My lunch taking me less than 5 minutes to get ready tonight, no lunch needed for Andy, and the girls have pizza day at school - such a welcome break in the middle of the week!

987. Molly's expression of joy at finding a tennis ball in the garage tonight: ball rolled back and forth under each side of her head as she moved it from side to side between her paws, then in her mouth, between her paws again almost as a cat would paw a mouse, tail wagging fast and furiously all the while.

Start #1: Gifts 967...

967. Seeing my office mate with an ear-to-ear grin on her birthday this morning and getting to give her a big birthday hug first thing after I set down my purse.

968. Being able to eat whatever I wanted today, and being more aware of the amounts of sugar and salt I ingest.  I feel like that cleanse made me a more mindful eater; of course, it is day one after the cleanse...I wonder how long that feeling will last?

969. Our phones and Internet were down at work today, so it was a day for catching up on all the reading I've been needing to do and don't otherwise have the time for.  I felt like I meandered between jonesing to get on the Internet and check email to completely relishing the break and non-interruption that and my work phone cause.

970. Pot luck!  Amazing Mediterranean crock pot turkey, my mom's tarragon green bean recipe, multigrain artisan bread with butter, and strawberry shortcake for dessert.  What wonderful flavors and textures to indulge in today!

971. Finding the most perfect little birthday gifts for mom today and getting filled up with inspiration, beauty, and fun at Frances Vintage and Smeeks where I found her gifts - a most delightful 45 minutes of browsing. 

972. Green trees on Central Avenue and green lights all the way home.

973. Coming home to a house full of happy - happy girls, happy husband, and a happy dog:)

974. Incredible homemade baked potato wedges sprinkled with salt, pepper and Parmesan for dinner.

975. Coloring with the girls making birthday posters for Grammy before bedtime.

Start #1: Gifts 958...

958. Molly's pitter patter of nails on tile and wood floors that follow me wherever I go.

959. A precious few minutes of one-on-one time with the girls before bed tonight: Emmy running back and forth across the living room floor showing Andy and I her somersaults in her bathing suit, and ending each one with her Ta Da at the end, arms raised over her head with a big smile on her face, and; Me teaching Lily how to delete pictures on the old, unactivated cell phone we gave her, then Lily scrolling through one-by-one all the way back to when she was an infant, both of us laughing and smiling.

960. Stepping outside for a walk to the park last night just in time for a beautiful sunset.

961. Knowing that Andy and I are doing something healthy for our bodies, and for doing something I've wanted to do and said I'm going to do: The Dr. Oz Two Day Spring Cleanse, we're at the twilight of day two as I type while sipping on roasted dandelion root tea.

962. Refreshing juiced kale, cucumbers, mint, and more.

963. Newfound appreciation for eating and flavors.

964. All clothes and sheets clean and put in drawers/closets and on beds.

965. Emmy and Lily swapping tastes of their ice cream cones this afternoon outside in the sun, green grass underfoot and fountains spraying behind them.

966. Carrying on, moving forward, talking about more ways to make fun, family times in the midst of busy lives.

Start #1: Gifts 949...

Joy Dare
Three Gifts Worn

949. The beautiful wedding ring that Andy gave me nearly 10 years ago, its sparkles still catching my eye today during a training and reminding me of our love and marriage.

950. My favorite lightweight, scoopneck, fuchsia shirt that makes me feel like I have color in my face; almost like I'm wearing Spring!

951. My most comfortable gray slippers that were given to me on Mother's day last year, one of my most favorite and most used gifts.

952. Off site training today gave me a change of scenery and lots of knowledge.

953. Being at the Ritz Carlton today, enjoying their gifts of refined hospitality.

954. Eating lunch outside in the sun, the sun warming up the back of my neck as I ate peanut butter and jelly with an apple and read Rebel magazine.

955. Dinner all together tonight and with the company of Nonna too all evening.

956. Nonna here to read with the girls and help Lily with her first research project on seals.

957. Warm, honest goodbyes.

Start #1: Gifts 941...

941. The gift of eating lunch alone today, which gives me rare time to myself to read.  Number 942 below is what I read that moved me and stayed with me all day.

942. Rebel magazine's Letter from the Publisher, Mar/Apr 2012 Issue.  This is a brand new magazine in Phoenix targeted at men, but I find that I enjoy nearly every page, advertisements and all.  It's all about making the world a better place by starting with yourself and what you give.  Check it out at www.rebelmagazine.com

Change is fostered when we, you and me, decide we want to make a difference. It's a decision we come to live with, or I suppose, more artfully stated, one we can't live without.  It isn't rooted in perfection and cannot wait until one gets it right.  It is Now.  And lives within a leap of FAITH.

Funny thing is... when we peel away the layers, cultural labels and political affiliations we've assumed due to social class, education, religion or birthright, we are, at our essence, the same.  We are part of the human condition, even half a world apart.  We understand heartache, dreams and worldly desires, we've felt the sting of bad decisions or the empowerment of overcoming personal fears, the blinding light of love when it visits and empties our souls.  We've shared in birth and death, and recognize there's beauty in it all.

So rebel is a magazine for us.  People like you and me, who despite our best efforts don't always get it right, aren't the funniest in the room, the smartest, sexiest or most adept - we recognize and accept only, that we can do more.  Be more.  More caring.  Loving to those we may not understand.  More accountable to ourselves and others, more of who we were meant to be, before we gave up or reluctantly gave in.  Because when I can be more of me, I think you can be more of you.  Who knows... we might even start to get "REAL."

So rebel is a magazine? No. It's more than that.  It's a movement, or a mission; maybe it's a question.  A collective of voices that have plenty to say and more to do.  We are storytellers, and standing stage right, we are actors, preparing for a part with no end, because it is not yet written.

So rebels, unite and join us in the opportunity to, in some small way, change the world.  But we must start by first allowing ourselves to be changed.  That, my friend, is an occurrence of the heart and cannot stop to consider the head.  The heart is the best of who we are - it's our truth, and when we let it guide our way, we are better served, and so is the world in which we live.

Michael Kelley
michael@rebelmagaine.com
Co-founder/Publisher

943. Making a dinner that surprised Andy (and honestly, me too!) by actually looking and tasting amazing.  The delight on his face as he ate made me giddy:)  Balsamic Chicken and Pears with whole wheat garlic olive oil couscous and french cut green beans.

944. Get well poster courtesy of girl scouts and a gift from us for a friend recovering from post breast cancer reconstructive surgery. 

945. Picking up another Daisy for the meeting tonight and hearing her and Lily talk, laugh, and read to each other in the backseat.

946. Emmy, my little ball of fidgety non-stop energy, falling asleep without a movement tucked under my arm in her rocking chair tonight.

947. The delicious simplicity of peanut butter and jelly with blackberry jam - indulged in a few decadent knife-fulls as I made lunches tonight for tomorrow.

948. A beautiful blog shared on Facebook tonight, a post that made reminded me about what it means to be a mom and to have a mom in the midst of our worlds technology and drive to do more, be more, at all costs: http://powerofmoms.com/2012/04/your-children-want-you/.

Start #1: Gifts 934...

Joy Dare
Three Gifts Budding/Blooming

934. My mother-in-law budding during a long walk this morning after the slumber of her first chapter after retirement.

935. The beautiful blossoming of Spring in the desert.

936. The beautiful tulips of the Netherlands that a friend shared in an email slide show today and that I hope to one day see for myself.

937. Recognizing within myself that I am awakening to spirituality.

938. In N Out Burger, so bad yet so good.

939. The gift that going out to dinner gives - no dishes to clean up after the kids are in bed.

940. Getting to hug Tonya Soules and receiving relief after our hour of therapy with her for Lily and our family.

Start #1: Gifts 923...

Joy Dare
A Gift Hiding, Held, and Heard

923. Money hiding away for a summer trip.

924. Goldie the little stuffed yellow chick and Posy the big stuffed pink chick that both the girls asked me to hold for them yesterday - not just hold, but cradle like a newborn - and the smile it brought them both to see me care for their little animals just as they do.

925. Hearing my husband tell me that he loves me so much.

926. Waking up after a full night of rest, the first in well over a week.

927. Making it through yet another difficult morning knowing we have only one more to go until our appointment with Tonya the Occupational Therapist.

928. New snacks from Sprouts in the cabinet after a quick trip tonight.

929. The pristine, white Easter Lilies from Rose yesterday that are showing above the screen behind the computer as I type.

930. Standing outside talking with the neighbors and a friend in the late afternoon setting sun, listening to the kids playing, looking down at Lily looking up at me with her arms wrapped around my waist, petting Molly on the head as she brushes by, tail wagging behind her.

931. Soft kisses and giggles shared with Andy in the kitchen.

932. One leftover orange-vanilla cupcake for dessert.

933. A beautiful, thoughtful, heart filled card in the mail from a friend - "And if every way is closed before you, the secret one will show a secret path no other eyes have seen." Rumi

Start #1: Gifts 916...

Joy Dare
Three Gifts at 11:00am, 2:00pm, and 6:00pm

I LOVED this joy dare.  It really helped me to be aware, in the moment today, and was easier to appreciate the little things and be lifted at these moments.

916. 11:00am; A little girl at my office for the first time, cute as can be; the flower in her hair bigger than she.  Itsy, bitsy, little legs and teeny, tiny sandals; the light in her face so bright, and the smile on my face so big for seeing her hop into my office to say hi.

917. 2:00pm; Talking wellness at work and having a partner to create a plan and delivery.

918. 6:00pm; Sitting down together as a family to eat dinner after a rushed day and evening, smiles all around for non-threatening fried rice and eggs.

919. People in my life who listen to me when I need it.

920. A friend seeking the support she needs right now to make it through a difficult time.

921. Safety and close calls, arm still intact.

922. Gathering with friends to talk and laugh.

Start #1: Gifts 907...

Joy Dare
Three Gifts in His Word

907. Reflection

908. Giving

909. Hope

910. A very dear friend has cleared some karma and has been given the keys to unlock the door to more clearing - changes she has waited half a lifetime for.  I am grateful to her healers who have aided her in discovery.

911. Thankful for two quiet hours to be able to finish gathering our tax documents together, just in time.

912. Thankful for taking a step back and encouraging our kids to express their feelings in moments of difficulty this evening; it's incredible to be able to listen to their perspective.

913. Surprise packages in the mail.  Thank you to Mom and Dad for still sending treats in the mail for all to enjoy!

914. Getting to help Lily with her first Internet research project on seals.

915. Neighbors looking out for one another, spreading the word on potential danger and awareness.

Start #1: Gifts 898...

Joy Dare
Three Gifts Surprisingly Found

898. The gift of finding surprise savings at the grocery store today.  Saved $28 off our regular weekly cost and found vitamins for half off that I've never seen at that huge of a discount before.

899. Surprisingly found our friend's wedding ring at our house this evening after she visited.  She is a massage therapist and was here to help Andy, but to find this left behind on our table somehow made me feel the comfort she might feel in being here.

900. Surprised that I have found 900 gifts and counting in this experience of 1000 gifts.

901. Dr. Teal's Lavender Epsom Salts. Two baths taken in our house with that in one night left for a soothingly scented bathroom and bedroom.

902. Andy trusting in his healing and indulging in a lavender epsom salt soak.  It's so refreshing and a gift to us all to see him taking care of himself while he's under care of Remember Massage's healing hands.

903. Thanks to my washing machine for still working, enduring load after load, despite the horrendous noises it has been making.

904. The first of our pale pink delicate desert flower blossoms in our very own front yard.

905. New life. Was lucky enough and see 12-week and 3-day old ultrasound photos today of a dear coworker, and my neighbor scheduled to deliver in May looking so radiant and healthy tonight awaiting her third baby boy in may.

906. Flexibility at work. Brings me peace of mind in the midst of the craze of trying to fulfill all the responsibilities in my life.

Start #1: Gifts 889...

889. Rearranging our front room to create a place for us all to exercise, reiki, relax, read, talk, with a sacred place to write, desk next to the window.  Ahhhh.

890. Tears of sadness, prompting me to think more deeply about the why behind the difficulty our family faces with SPD, uncovering the positivity that's begging to surface.

891. The urgency in Emmy's body to dance to whatever beat it encounters, the girl just can't help herself.

892. Having two bins of 4T clothes in the garage that used to be Lily's and will now be Emmy's, just in time for her already outgrowing her size 3T.

893. Watching the delicious Under a Tuscan Sun while sorting said bins last night, dreaming of Italy and waking in a life of risks taken, life and love experienced.

894. Lily and I laughing so hard at each other, faces hurting from smiling so wide, and chests heaving out of breath at a plain old-fashioned game of tag at the park after dinner.

895. Parmesan cauliflower in the oven.  Yum, devoured 3/4 of the sheet pan by myself!

896. A warm, comforting embrace in the middle of doing the evening dishes.

897. The healing that bubbles up from my heart while giving thanks.