Friday, February 1, 2013

1. Absolutely love and am so grateful for Friday night payday budged meetings with Andy. Progress, always moving forward!

Thursday, January 31, 2013

1. An impromptu quickie lunch with a friend.
2. Climbing up the slides with Lily at the park after school and watching her spin down the grassy hillside, gaining momentum like a figure skater, made us both laugh and smile. Definitely something to be grateful for.
3. Seeing someone accomplish something they set out to do, and learned in the process.
4. Seeing a picture text of one of my aunts out celebrating for her birthday today.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

1. Thankful that my coworkers and I are safe after a fretful afternoon with a shooter on the loose in a range too close for my comfort.
2. Grateful for the courage of Gabby Giffords and so many more working to prevent, or at least reduce unnecessary violence caused by guns and other avenues that impact how society views violence.
3. Thankful for my brother's positive attitude today even despite a setback of not getting a hoped for job offer.
4. Good news from a friend that will help her and her growing family continue to live debt free.
5. Seeing far away family enjoy their birthday via Facebook.

Wednesday, January 29, 2013

1. Grateful for our own hot water, and to my incredibly talented, brave and loving husband for fixing the hot water heater. As I said earlier, I don't know any other man who can paint the girls' nails, make a mean Bolognese, and fix a hot water heater all nearly in a day! He sure is full of surprises, that man of mine!
2. A mother at work today coming to terms with her grief and daughter's death while surrounded by caring people.
3. Learning to see things in a different light, such as my approach to work projects, eases my stress and boosts my confidence.
4. Hearing Andy tell the story of our engagement.
5. Picking up a dear friend from the airport.
6. Another dear friend's baby safely turned head down in preparation for delivery.

Monday, January 28, 2013

1. Bringing a friend a smile, getting one just as big in return, and my heart swelling in the process.
2. Hot water. Definitely have an appreciation for this now that we don't have it while we're waiting for a part for the hot water heater to arrive. Showers and bath time at families homes has been incredible, truly a treat!

Starting Again

Hello Karen!  Welcome back to the page dear friend!  It's so nice to see you back to writing, reflecting, practicing gratitude and doing something positive!

Exhale of release and thanks...  Ahhh...  I needed that little pep talk, self, thank you!

I am returning to my starts here for the purpose of keeping my mind healthy, in hopes to each day hold the preciousness of life in my heart, and to feel that each day I am contributing to something positive - either within, or given out to the world.

This is for today; for everyday, thanks to a Facebook friend post:



And my favorite moments of gratitude for today:

Time together as a family at the park, the desert scenery fresh after an AZ winter rain storm all weekend, spontaneous kisses from my dear girls, and root beer floats.

 

Realizations and Gifts

Today is really more like realizations, and a few gifts to top them off like whipped cream with a cherry on top (or for my taste, more like cinnamon or dark chocolate shavings:)

#1  After a crazy hectic day in a series of many, the kind that make me not sleep at night because I'm so revved, even too riled up for meditation to calm me down, I thought I would make the most of my time by studying during Lily's Brownie meeting.  I thought to myself, Wow, I can have 1 - 1 1/2 hours of solid study time!

I brought Lily in to the meeting, sat for a few minutes, and then couldn't stand the feeling of myself being idle for more much more than that knowing all that's on my plate.  I snuck out into the front entry where there was a lone chair under an overhead can light providing just enough light (and dark) for me to cozy down and open my first study book. 

Within minutes, a Boyscout troop leader arrived and unlocked every door along the entry that I was in front of.  For the next 45 minutes, boyscouts, siblings, parents and grandparents arrived, ran, jumped, screamed, laughed, exited and entered few times more all the while growing louder and louder.  Studying became very difficult.

Then Lily's troop took a break and Lily came out for me to come back to the meeting so I could decide what size t-shirt to order for her.  Medium it is.  I walked back out and did some more reading, but felt just as chaotic in my mind as before I arrived.  I packed up and went to Lily's meeting 10 minutes early.

In those ten minutes, I witnessed all that I missed out on with my dear sweet daughter.  A precious hour and a half to learn more about her thoughts, beliefs, and hopes as she worked on a letter to herself for the two-year time capsule.  I saw the heartfelt thank you card that the other moms and the girls made for the older Brownie troop that visited at the last meeting.  I saw the troop leader and the other moms engaged with the girls.  In those ten minutes I realized that I really lost sight of what is important to me, and told Lily on the way home that I won't be studying at any more meetings.

The time is too precious, and thankfully, this lesson - in this context - only took an hour and a half to learn.  I am grateful for this, and that there is another meeting in two weeks that I will be able to be fully present at with my dear sweet Lily.

#2  Also on the sunset of this crazy day that's in the middle of like days before and surely after, the clock ticked to 8:45pm and I still had a potluck dish to prepare for tomorrow.  I started the task with squeezing lemons for 3/4 cup of lemon juice to then cook in the bulgur.  By the time I got to chopping the cucumbers, which I peeled and seeded first, I realized that the moment brought me such calm! 

The house was (and still is) quiet except for the sound of the Ray LaMontagne channel on Pandora.  My mind finally quieted, and I even figured out a better way to clean up my cukes - and excited to share that progress with Andy who has, since the start of our 16 year courtship, been trying to get me to prep efficiently and appropriately:)  And then came the colors and scents - a bowl full of cucumber, tomato, parsley, basil, feta, kalamata olives, olive oil, lemon juice.  Ahhhhh!  Such a nice way to wind down from the day, and for this experience this evening I am thankful.

Recipe for Greek Bulgur Salad with Chicken

Gifts
Andy walking up to me at this very computer just as I started to lean in and give me a kiss - and feeling my shoulders relax for the first time today as a result, as well as a genuine smile on my face at the touch and his smile mirroring mine.

A pretty praying mantis that Lily and I got to see on our way out of Brownies tonight.

Safety at work on a potentially  unsafe day.

Making it through another day.

Avoiding a car accident this morning.

A surprise package delivery from who I thought was Mom, but was really Dad (a.k.a. Bumpa) filled with handmade hair clips and headbands from my very talented cousin, creator of Little Gem and Hair Delights.

A friend's baby apple:)

Talking with my dad this morning and hearing him talk of future plans and hope.  So invigorating and exciting!

Gifts

My oh my, the time sure does pass by so quickly.  I've been making mental note throughout the days when something grabs my heart just so, or at the end of the night in the shower as I recap in my mind, but there seems to be a different impact for me when I write it down here.

A few from today before I go to sleep:

A smooth morning where we actually sat down to eat both breakfast and dinner together!  Unheard of!  We most always sit for dinner together, but never breakfast on a school day.

Making use of all the broccoli: dinner one night last week, egg and broccoli burritos with cheese and salsa on the weekend, and eggs and broccoli for breakfast.  Feels so good to not waste what we spend our grocery money on.

Seeing Emmy's face as I tell her how proud I am of her for drawing her first letter F tonight, as well as practicing Daddy, Mommy and Lily for the first time; a look of such pride, happiness and shine.

Andy standing in the door frame to the bathroom looking at me in the mirror while I brushed Emmy's teeth and noticing that I was wearing the very earrings that I wore when we got married.  It's the little things that mean so much.

Taking the time last night to work at home and get all my tasks in order.  Taking the extra time last night to project as much as I can, list, date, prioritize, etc..., made me feel so much more calm and collected at work today.

Ironing on everything that is required for Lily's Brownie vest for her meeting tomorrow and vowing to myself to not get behind like I did with her Daisy vest - badges still in a ziploc that have yet to be ironed on or sewn.

A friend's text about her vision that made my heart feel full and light.

Tackling the assessment test and study guide for the upcoming PHR certification.  I have managed to successfully procrastinate as I am known to do, so hopefully there is still enough time for me to study before the test date - unknown at this time.  But, proud of myself for finally breaking the cycle and facing it twice in the course of a week.  Now it's on to reading and practice tests.  Commit - note to self:)

Gifts

At this moment, I am grateful for quiet in these last moments of the night winding down in a peaceful house.

Gifts of health for some, and of competent doctors and medicine for others - for timely intervention that will lead to better health.

I'm ashamed to admit this, but I'm grateful for a surprise delivery of a very large box of See's Candy from one of our vendors just for us in HR.  Dark chocolate and caramel have definitely been good to me this week, but probably not so good for my body.  Everything in moderation:)

Grateful that our family is working at being real.  That we're able to talk with each other about the difficult things when we once were not able is something to be celebrated and our efforts continued.

Phone chats with Grandma Jean.  She always puts things in perspective as she reminds me how fast the kids grow up and to cherish every moment.  Thank you, Grandma.

Bach Flower Rescue Remedies - works wonders for Lily, so very grateful to have a natural product that she likes that supports her ability to handle her body's responses to sensory stimuli.

Laying in bed at the end of the night talking with Andy before we fall asleep.

A tired dog exhausted from a good run at the park.

Sitting on the curb with Emmy tonight looking through the mail while we watched the last few minutes of the sunset, smiling at Emmy as she waved and smiled at each passing car.

Seeing our dwindling car loan balance on the payment receipt in the mail - we're so close!

Andy's intact retina, very grateful for this.

Wedding Memories

Wow, it's amazing what looking through a box of wedding memories does for building a grateful heart.  It started yesterday with the girls as I opened the vault (that's what it felt like!) for the first time in 10 years.  I was looking for a recording of Andy's Grandpa "Toe" reciting the Lord's Prayer so Andy's cousin can use it at his upcoming wedding.  As I took things out of the box, the girls dissected them one by one.

First was a Lenox box that contains what was our cake topper - a beautiful ceramic figurine of a bride and groom under an arch.  Lily asked, "Mom, what is this for?"  I told her it was a cake topper.  She burst into laughter and said, "Oh, I thought it for the top of your Christmas tree!" We both chuckled together, and then she asked "Mom, were you the bride or the groom?"

I looked at all the pictures and messages from our engagement party in Phoenix, and pictures and messages from our bridal shower "in absentia" from Wisconsin.  It was so touching to see people so excited for us to be on the brink of writing the next chapter in our life.

Next was a wedding candle wrapped in tulle.  Lily unwrapped it, put the tulle on her head and said, "And was this your veil?" 

"No," I answered, "but I do have the veil in the closet."  While I went to unearth the dress and veil, I heard Emmy and Lily talking.  Emmy was looking at wedding pictures and asked Lily, "Was Mom in a wedding?!"  Lily said yes, and then I heard Emmy say, "Ewww, Mom and Dad are kissing!"

Lily said, "That's kind of the point of a wedding, Emmy."  I was laughing by myself in the closet.  But not for long.  Before I knew it, the girls had coaxed me to put the dress on that I haven't been in for ten years (and that I'm so grateful still fits and zips!), and Lily ran to get the ghastly fake pink flowers we have in the hall (that believe it or not, actually work quite nicely in a pretty pale turquoise blown glass vase - that was a wedding gift come to think of it - atop an antique style set of dressers) and said, "Here are your flowers Mom!"  Then Emmy, who has never been in or seen a wedding before in her life scooped up the little train behind me like an expert and off we went parading through the living room.  I'm fairly certain I had a smile from ear to ear.

Tonight I spent a little time scouting through the memories on my own and looking at pictures.  What took me by surprise was reading the messages in our guest book - a little piece of the details of a wedding that you're not sure are really that important at the time, but ten years later to see handwritten messages from important people in our lives who loved and cared about us so much made me very emotional.  Some of the people are still in our lives, some were left behind soon after that summer, others relatives - always connected regardless of distance in miles or bond, and still others have since passed away.  Ten years - seems like a blink of an eye, yet a lifetime ago when I think of the people we were then compared to the people we are now. 

As I turned page after page of handmade paper filled with handwritten messages as different as the personalities of those in our lives at the time, I was filled with this sense of gratitude that I don't quite think I had or was capable of then for their deep love and care for us as who they knew us to be, and a good portion of them thrilled for us to share what they knew marriage to be for them.  I am thankful that we have lots of good examples in our life of love, compassion and respect for one another.  In this moment tonight, I wanted to sit right down and write thank you notes to all those who were present in our lives and shared the feelings that were in their hearts for us both that day, and also in the period of engagement leading up to our wedding.

It will take me awhile - no telling how long, but I resolve to do that now - 10 years into this thing called marriage, for they helped us be who we are today and in some way or another have played a part in shaping what we've made of our relationship together.  So, add this to the list of starts:)  In the meantime, if any of you happen to see this, know that we love you very much, and are so grateful for your presence in our lives no matter how fleeting, for there was/is a reason for each and every one of you.

Gifts

Starting my day today with yoga, if only for 20 minutes, and even when it ends with Emmy on top of me.  Yes, another start I want not to finish, but to continue.

Watching Lily learn something new at gymnastics today.

Chai tea.

The injury requiring stitches at the birthday party we went to today was not one of my children.

Taking 45 minutes before movie night with the girls to put the house back together and do the dishes.  This means watching in peace, comfort, and zero distraction from the mess around me calling my name.

The smiles on my girls' faces.

Feeling complete fulfillment while watching We Bought a Zoo with the girls piled on top of me on the couch tonight, just the three of us - such a big, all-consuming fullness of the heart that is both foreign and so very comfortable.  How lucky am I to have my husband, our two daughters, that we all have each other together, nearly every day, to create and live adventure - 20 seconds of courage is all it takes;)

Not that Andy is in Las Vegas, but that he is safe, and that all the guys get to have "bonding" time together for a bachelor party. 

The bed all to myself, probably because I know this is momentary.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Tonight I am ever so grateful for a beautiful family night together where we all enjoyed each other amidst the normal goings on of an evening...dinner, dishes, lunches, homework, Just Dance 3, bath and bed.

What made tonight different is that we ALL conversed together instead of yelling, fighting, and the egging on that often takes place between the girls, which then spurs not so great parental reactions and overall frustration for all.  Even poor Molly who hides under the bed when that happens.

We all snuck in little moments with each other in various combinations at different points of the evening.  It started with me folding the laundry next to the girls doing Just Dance, then all of us chatting at dinner, then Lily and Andy starting to watch the Democratic National Convention while Emmy and I made a little after dinner treat, then Andy and I in the kitchen together while I cleaned and he made lunches, then Emmy in my lap while I quizzed Lily on her spelling words for her test tomorrow, then Lily and I watching Obama together and talking about voting, then Andy, Emmy and I watching the Convention and answering Emmy's questions, "What does learning mean?" "What does education mean?"  And then ending with Andy and I watching while Lily and Emmy drew pictures.

The pictures were such a tender moment.  Emmy was at the desk for a bit drawing while Lily, Andy and I were watching the Convention, and then came running to Lily to give her a picture that she just drew.  She said it was Lily, handed it to her, and then just lowered her head into Lily's chest, put her arms around her in a hug, and then ran back to the desk to cut some paper.  Lily showed me the drawing and I just melted - both at seeing Emmy's first drawing of a person (Lily's face), and the love that passed between the two of them in the exchange.  The pic is below that Lily wrote Emmy's name on (and Lily was wearing accessory glasses tonight as depicted below) next to a face that Lily drew with Emmy.

 



I am also thankful for a successful import of new deduction data that I generated for over 700 employees at work today - my first run by myself and I added new data to track.  Woo Hoo!  Technology rocks when you know how to use it:)  That's for you Andy.  Yes, I really said that;)

 

And ever so grateful that a dear, close friend asked me to do Reiki for her.  So off I go to help in her healing.  What a beautiful way to end a beautiful night.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Today, I think that I am most grateful that I had yet another difficult day of living in my head, in a negative way.  Sure, it seems paradoxical that negative would be a positive, but it takes experiencing the self-defeating thoughts and too much energy on the imagined thoughts and perceived actions of others to remind myself of its prior absence when I instead put that energy into making myself strong enough to love myself. 

To love myself is to do the things I know that are healthy for me - such as eat well, exercise, meditate, read and believe affirmations, give thanks, be present, create/maintain/follow our budget, listen to music, sing, dance, go to bed on time, write, and give/receive love to both myself and with those around me.

I just remembered something I read that an acquaintance shared yesterday: If you're tired of starting over, then don't stop.  Hmmmm, seems scarily appropriate.  And that's what my blog is all about - starting now to finish, or in this case, to continue - hopefully to reap a lifetime of its benefits and to pass on to my daughters something of value that they too can learn for themselves what it means to love their own unique being and how they express that in the world.

Hopefully, Lily's off to a good start.  As we laid in bed tucked under the covers together on Monday morning relishing in the slowness of a free day off, she said, "Watch Mom, I'm going to send myself a message."  She typed for a few minutes on her iPod while I read my book, then said, "Look what I sent - 'I love you so so so so so so much!!!' "  I smiled and said, "That's so wonderful Lily!  That's so very important that you love yourself!  I'm so proud of you!"

Also thankful today for:
A great first billing cycle after open enrollment at work - a huge improvement over last year.

Settling into a routine after school for the two days a week I get to pick Lily up from school: snacks together, me doing my work that I brought home, and Lily doing her homework, all in a peaceful house - just the two of us.

A snack of graham crackers spread with Nutella and topped with banana slices.

A dear friend who is one of few who chooses to communicate mostly via snail mail.  In the mailbox waiting for us: a card for Lily, a calendar for Emmy, a New Nest card announcing her new Sedona address, a box of old but new belts, a cherry/olive pitter that looks like a bird's beak, and an article for Andy on a chef in Chicago who I didn't know tops his list of favorite, most admired chefs.

An evening walk with Molly.

A  phone call with Dad where I really got to listen to him - his thoughts, fears, plans, accomplishments, and learning.  I loved every second of his voice talking with me.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Thankful:

That I could bring some comfort to Lily tonight through push-pulls and Reiki, relief to her bug-bitten feet and tense body.

For coming across a recipe just today for Brussels sprouts when I happened to have some in the refrigerator a day or two away from going bad.  Saute in grapeseed oil, roast in the oven, then saute just long enough for a little butter to melt and toss with sea salt and pepper.  Andy and devoured the whole dish full of them!

To the girls for trying the Brussels sprouts, even though they decided they didn't like them.

For a hard day today of inner battle to make me realize I had abandoned that for awhile and would really like to leave it in the dust again soon  - NOW.

For a free eyeglass deal on Facebook at www.Coastal.com.

For hearing my niece say, "When am I going to come over to your house Auntie Karen, because I haven't been over in a really long time.  Remember those glitter things you were making?  You do lots of craft projects and I don't do any.  Well, I do make those purses from duct tape."  We will have to plan a craft date soon:)

For Frugal Mama - Simple Life, Happy Family.  I think I'm addicted, but so far, it seems like a healthy addiction that is bringing me comfort in positive, real thoughts from a fellow mom, and some great tools, downloads, and what's worked for her family that really seem to align with ours, or what we hope for ours to be:)

For a conversation Andy and I had over dinner to simplify the girls lunches - make them like a Pita Jungle kids menu.  Have a list of five each of proteins, carbs, fruits and veggies that we've bought for the week, and they get to circle one of each of these categories for that day's lunch.  And make it fun on chalkboard paint on the wall or chalkboard squares.

A beautiful, moving speech from First Lady Michelle Obama that will hopefully move the campaign and election in the right direction.

Homemade lunch of quinoa with sauteed onions, zucchini, and yellow squash, grilled chicken, and feta cheese.

A phone call with Mom on my way to work.  She is always able to make me laugh and to feel loved.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Thoughts of thanks from the week:

• A dear friend's babe in utero, growing from the size of a kumquat to a sweet little fig in just a week!
• Spice Traveler in Prescott, AZ - a delicious store of epicurean adventure for the taste buds.  We walked out with Ghost Chili salt and Coconut infused sugar, with the delightfulness of Raspberry still on my tongue.
• The sound of an afternoon rain splattering on leaves, rooftops, and on pavement.
• Lightning and a crack of thunder so big and close my body reacted with chills all way up my neck, goosebumps down my arms, and my eyes filled with tears.
• Long-time, comfortable friends from out of town at our home for a sleepover, and their sweet little boy named Jack who stole my heart.
• Homemade guacamole.  I think I could live off this and Mexican food every day for the rest of my life.
• Dashing for cover from the rain with Emmy, her little Hello Kitty umbrella in hand, up the courthouse steps in a downtown Prescott summer storm.
• Gordon, the most gentle Boxer that we got to meet at a fun, dog and food-filled outside festival.  I held my hand out for him to sniff, and the way he so tenderly rested his chin on my outstretched hand was endearing.
• Waking up from a nightmare and realizing it's not reality.
• Friends finding each other, deep love, and a new chapter to write together in their first new home.
• Bonding time with family member's pups Roxy and Toby, and seeing again how much joy and new-found unity they have brought to their owner's family.
• Fresh vegetables.
• Hugs.
• 3-day weekends!
• The language and ease between toddlers:
• New girl close to Emmy's age running across the grassy city park to Emmy, "Hey, do you want to be my best friend?"
• Emmy to new girl who we soon found out to be named Cassy, "Well, do you want to play tag if we're going to be best friends?"
• Me to Cassy, "Where are your Mommy and Daddy?"
• Cassy shoots all the way over across the grass away from us and back again.
• Cassy to Emmy, "Do you want to play tag?"  And off they run in circles, stopping only to hide behind the tall, wide trunks of trees scattered across the park.
• Precious moments being present with the girls.  These moments happen so much more frequently when we're away from home and our daily responsibilities.  We all so needed the love and recharge through reconnection from these shared moments this weekend.
• And in contrast, a productive afternoon = a mowed back yard, some planted pots, a clean dog, a cleaned up front yard, menu for the week, and a refrigerator full of groceries.
• My grandpa Jack's expression, passed down through my mom, "Close calls don't count."  This in response to Andy's bleeding, cut finger tonight over lunch prep.  Whew.
• Some of the best parenting advice I've received from a parent I admire.  Instead of saying "No" when your child comes to you for something, respond with, "Let's research that."  She shared this with me probably over six months ago, but I used it for the first time last weekend when Lily told me that she really wanted a pet snake and my gut reaction was not only no, but never in a million years.  Instead, I calmly said, "Wow, that's interesting.  Let's research that."  And so we have been ever since: time spent together learning about snakes (and in the process, learning about researching on the Internet) and what kind would be a good fit to start with - at this point in time, it's a Rough Green Snake, a book from the school library about snakes, a visit to Petsmart in Prescott to check out the snakes and other reptiles, discovering that there is a Reptile Expo here in November that we'll be saving our questions for, and Lily's first poem that she wrote tonight at the dinner table for her future snake (even though we haven't said yes - or no - just yet:)

My snake is...
green and it is smooth
and it loves loves to groove

Friday, August 24, 2012

Today, I am filled with gratitude for:

• A day of peace and quiet at work.
• Discovering a new (to me) blog that really caught my fancy: www.npr.org/thesalt
• Listening to new music at work on NPR, making the day a little more exciting and fresh.
• Email exchanges from my dad filled with the promise of surprise.
• Catching myself daydreaming about our night before and getting butterflies. I love that this still happens after 10 years of marriage.
• Hearing my sister-in-law so excited about getting two new puppies, brother and sister, after school today for their daughter/our niece.
• Catching up with Phil. Completely astonished that I've talked with both brothers in the same week.  I feel more connected to them both this week than I have felt in years.
• Our own family after-school adventure for our first twilight tour at the Deer Valley Rock Art Center.  What a gem of a place and we can't wait to go back.  It was a very interactive tour, and visiting this hidden spot smack in the middle of sunset and moonlight was special. I think we will try November for their Native American festival and another in March where we will get to try roasted agave!
• Lily thanking us on the way home for taking us to do things like that and for being the best parents ever.  Score!
• Hearing Lily excitedly share her story of how she did Reiki for all her friends at school today who got hurt and how they all felt better after. "But mom, I do mine a little different than you do," she said as she demonstrated with her hands and arms from the backseat.  "And Harlee said, 'The Kuntz's have magic in their fingers!' "  So touching!  No pun intended, but pretty appropriate.
• Meeting the two new puppies, Toby & Roxy.  Welcome to the family!  We are so excited to get to know you better and for Molly to have some new friends!
• Putting Emmy down for sleep and having a few minutes to break into my new Yoga Journal issue.  Found another 21-day challenge, new music, delicious smoothie recipes and more.  I love these bite-size challenges that give a great introduction to things new, fun and healthy - gearing up for September 9th Fitness Challenge!

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

I am in awe that for two nights in a row, I have done everything that I need to do and it's before 9pm.  A huge improvement over too many nights prior of getting 4 - 5 hours of rest and nearly doubling that last night and tonight!  I can tell that both my brain and my body are thankful for rest.

Tonight I am also grateful for:

• Rain impossibly born of dust clouds tonight and its lovely companions lightning and thunder.  How nice to hear the pounding of rain on the pavement, the rush of water in the street outside, and the rumble in surround sound as I type.
• Craigslist!  We have saved so much money making purchases on Craigslist.  So excited to be able to help Lily get going on her big girl two wheeler that we scored for $45 this weekend!
• Calming Jars - both the concept and how much fun the girls and I had making them Sunday night.  I initially thought it would be a good outlet for Lily when she has a sensory overload moment to "get her mads out," just shake the heck out of it and watch the glitter fall, much like a snow globe.  But after reading the post again on Sunday, months after I had originally pinned the idea, I thought it might be great for Emmy too.  The girls love their jars, but we have yet to try them in the thick of things.
• Arizona monsoon clouds that have decorated the sky the past couple of weeks giving me pure, soothing art to look at every day while traveling in the car.  Although this is the hottest time of year, it is one of the most beautiful with wide expanses of multi-colored sky in shades of gray, purple, blue, orange, gold, pink, and some of the purest white billowy skyscrapers of storm clouds stacked upon each other and towering up from behind mountains.
• Meeting a new friend and discussing over lunch our experiences from the perspective of mothers what it is like raising our daughters who both have sensory processing disorder.  I'm so excited to get the girls together and to get to know each other's family!
• Reconnecting with my favorite sensory processing book called, Raising a Sensory Smart Child, and realizing that they have a Facebook page with so much useful information, posts, discussions, and more that I am so excited to spend more time on.
• Rearranging my workstation today and feeling so much more productive with lots more workable space than I had before and much more ergonomically comfortable. 
• Talking with my brother tonight about progress, reality, fears, and love.  So wonderful to hear his voice and hear him for the first time, Jake in the raw.
• Tincture from Chakra4 Herb and Tea House called "Take a Chill Pill" that I really got for Lily that supports nervous system function, but that I used last night.  That along with another Chopra meditation finally helped my shoulders relax after a couple weeks of increasing rigidity. 

Catching My Breath

Breathe deeply in, fill my lungs, expand my belly, relax my shoulders, and exhale.  Catching my breath from a couple crazed weeks.

Ahhhhh.

This is pure joy to be here right now, at the page, in review. 

• Sunset on my way home one night this week.
• Finishing something that I've started several times over: The newest of Deepak Chopra's 21-Day Meditation Challenges, Free to Love.  Although it took me 29 days to experience 21, I feel so grateful that I kept returning to the challenge even though I got derailed multiple times.  It was such a peaceful, nurturing gift to give myself and I definitely have noticed benefits.  For probably the first time in my life, having this conversation with myself when the thoughts of self doubt and outer criticism invade:  But do YOU love YOU, Karen?  Yes!  I answered, Yes!  And that's what's most important; starting within.
• A week long visit from a very dear friend.  To be there for a friend by phone is a completely different experience than being there while sharing the same living quarters.  I learned so much about us both, our friendship, and my own family in sharing the week with her and am grateful for every minute. 
• Visiting a farm in Chino Valley, AZ and getting acquainted one-on-one with three miniature horses, two full size horses, two donkeys (Butterfly & Larry), three of the largest goats I've ever seen in my life, three alpaca that I've never before seen in my life, chickens, geese, an awfully mean rooster, a Flemish hare, and six dogs. 
• A successful week of open enrollment, our busiest time of the year at work.  Still multiple weeks to go to carry out the rest of the event, but I feel very positive in the great flow and response we've received thus far.
• Lily LOVES her 2nd grade teacher!
• Being able to attend our lunch n' learn this week, "Being healthy in an unhealthy world" and following it up with choosing to buy only organic milk from here on out for our girls.  This is something that we've always felt we couldn't afford, but after learning more about what's added to our food (so much of our food), we decided this is something that we longer can afford not to do.  I feel so much healthier just having it in the refrigerator!
• For our second Saturday in a row, getting back to Bountiful Baskets!  For $15, we picked up our box filled with romaine, kale, carrots, tomatoes, onion, cauliflower, Brussels sprouts, pears, apples, bananas and grapes.  It all just looks so fresh and vibrant! 
• Attending a square foot gardening class and realizing how little I know about gardening. This is something I've been wanting to do for quite some time, but for now feeling at peace with maybe starting a few things in some pots and calling it a day.  This will definitely get shifted to the back of the list of future starts;)
• Recognizing that I have limits and making better choices about my precious resources.
• Finishing online traffic school this weekend to clear up my ticket.  Go Speed Racer!  Ironically, I am now a Speed Racer expert thanks to my Easy Fast Cheap Online Traffic School! 
• Emmy and I sharing the best fresh mango of our lives (last week's Bountiful Basket) at the dining room table yesterday afternoon; one purple glass bowl filled with beautiful yellow/orange mango, two forks, and lots of laughing as we tried to beat each other to the last piece.
• Laughter with friends.
• Deeper emotions shared between two friends.
• Andy and I doing one of the things we do best together: pitching in as a team to get the job done, no matter how down and dirty it is.
• Accepting family for who they are.  I have realized this week that we are akin to an ocean.  The waters can range from calm to tumultuous, but recognizing that this is the way it has always been and probably how it always will be helps me see the deep down love for and beauty in each other, even though superficially it waxes and wanes with the rise and fall of emotions and experiences, both shared and as individuals.
• This link shared by a dear aunt: Thirty Indispensable Writing Advice from Famous Authors
• Bedtime.

Finding Comfort in Gratitude

Sunday, August 5, 2012

It's the end of the night at the end of a very difficult week, an eve and a sunrise before starting yet another difficult week.  Difficult is, of course, relative; but for us, this week was right up there on the charts.

I was making lunches for tomorrow in the quiet of the kitchen tonight, the place one is most likely able to think when it's bath/shower time for the girls at the other end of the house.  Having just zested a whole lemon, I sliced it in half and put half on top of the hand-juicer.  I then placed my open palm onto the lemon half and pushed down onto the juicer  in small circular motions to squeeze out all that lemon had to offer.  All of a sudden, I noticed how lovely my hand felt moving over each of the grooves I made in the lemon with the zester.  It was also the multisensory experience of it all: fresh lemon wafting up in my nostrils, the new sensation in the palm of my hand, and the much needed few moments of quiet in my mind, even though the house was anything but.

Ahhhh!  Something to be so very grateful for in that very moment.  The beautiful simplicity of it all, and that I was able to get out of my head into that precise moment of real time: being present, as many would call it.

Now as I'm typing, I'm thinking that the 21-day meditation challenge I've been participating in is really working, possibly subconsciously sinking in!  This is very exciting!  I could sense by today and the two and three weeks leading up to today that I haven't been ready to relinquish myself to now.  For some reason, I've chosen to make myself suffer, moreso than I would have otherwise given the events of the week alone.

Anyway, that was a side note for myself.  Back to my lemon.  As I indulged myself in that experience for a minute or two, it made me want to immediately get back to gratitude - to be thankful for this moment that moved my soul back in my heart instead of in my head where it's been swimming around, or floundering rather, for much too long.

So here I am, back to the page, to my religion of giving thanks.  Period.  No more counting though, I think just reflecting, writing, feeling, and believing in my thanks will be most meaningful this time around:

• That my parents take the time to enjoy each other's company through bike rides, sharing meals, lake swimming, art festival walking, games, live music and so much more.  Grateful for the example they set after nearly 39 years of marriage.
• Their patience on the phone this morning as I walked them through all 300+ slides of our vacation photos because I wanted them so much to be enjoying it right there with us while we were away.
• A splash of coffee in a mug of warmed vanilla almond milk sprinkled with cinnamon.
• One-on-one time with each of my girls today.
• Lily's desire to add to her small rock collection.  Definitely something we can share and take great joy in doing together.
• The deep, full, relaxed breaths this experience of gratitude is giving back to me right now.
• A sunset hike together - our family of four, and Molly too.
• Taking in the beautiful 360 degree sunset sky and desert views that our neighborhood affords us the pleasure of.  I needed that fix of nature today more than I could have ever known.
• Tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, even on a 110 degree day.
• Ending my night with gratitude and day 16 of the 21-day meditation challenge.

Gifts

1056. Out of struggle and difficulty this morning with a sensory meltdown and the clock ticking, framing the challenge and emotion in a different way.  What is the gift I am supposed to get from this?  What can possibly be gained from such struggle and ugliness?  We made it through, I dropped Lily off at school and thought and thought as I drove in quiet.  And the answer came to me. 

With each one of these experiences, we learn something new - an insight to help us prevent, soothe, or recover in the future.  With this one, I remembered that we forgot to have the outlet for the frustration before trying to move on.  A simple concept looking at it completely removed now, but in the moment, this completely escaped all of us and the release did not happen until Lily and I were driving down the road.

1057. Watching this short clip the night before on Facebook courtesy of Louise Hay: Cheryl Richardson TV, You're So Sensitive, The Art of Extreme Self Care.  This we are, a sensitive family.  I thought of this clip this morning, which is what helped me choose to drive in silence and reflect instead of numbing/tuning out the sensitivities of this morning.

1058. A surprise package of fun toys and treats from Aunt Joan and family, and my cherished phone time with her this afternoon to catch up.

1059. Andy and I in the kitchen together busting out the dishes, lunches and snacks for the next day and venting our frustrations in a humorous way to lighten the load.