384. So thankful and grateful to be who I am.
385. Taking a shower tonight on day three of not showering. Wow, on that note, thankful for shampoo, conditioner, soap and a razor!
386. The ability to reflect on my parenting skills for improvement. I was thinking while I was in the shower (where I do a lot of my thinking as it's one of the few places that I can be alone) that I was really disappointed with myself over how I yelled at Lily this afternoon. I realized, wait a minute, Andy and I don't yell at each other, so why would we yell at our kids? Seems that it really won't increase the chances for results any more than sitting down and discussing something in a respectful manner. Andy reminded me that what we got upset over today is something that we have had well over 25 calm discussions about. True, point well taken, but I am very grateful for the perspective that I got today so that I will hopefully have more patience next time, or at least enough wits about me to breathe (there's that breathing again!) before I open my mouth.
387. Perspective again today. We visited Baba today (happy birthday Baba!) at the cemetery and put a lovely bouquet of white roses and just blooming lavender on her and her husband's headstone. Lily and I walked around and gave Andy a few minutes alone with his Grandma and Grandpa. Lily picked up fallen Christmas decorations that were scattered at different grave sites as I walked along with her and silently read the engravings on headstones.
When Andy caught up with us I asked, "Why do so many people have to die so young?" Andy responded with, "Seventeen, geez, " and walked towards the car shaking his head. It wasn't until we stopped back at Baba's headstone that I started to cry. I know death is an inevitable part of life, or afterlife if you will, but the reality of others we love dearly passing away seems too close for comfort while surrounded by headstones.
Andy got in the car and Lily and I sat on a curb in the sun facing a fountain. Lily said, "Don't cry, Mom." I looked at her and said, "I guess this just means we need to appreciate every moment we all have with each other."
388. Giving flowers to our neighbor's son to then give to his Dad (probably in his eighties) who usually walks by our house to get them himself. I just found that the neighbor's Dad is in so much pain now that he hasn't been able to walk by. I also earned today from the neighbor's grown son that his father (from India) uses the flowers (our white roses) in prayer, and then offers the flowers to the gods when he's done. Knowing that I could give these flowers to him when he didn't have the ability to do so himself made me feel so good today.
#386 - I always hope that I can choose the words that best reflect my reaction. That breathing step gives me the moment I need to choose carefully. Sometimes anger or frustration needs to be expressed, but mindfully. love that you recognized that.
ReplyDelete#388 - BEAUTIFUL!! Gave me shivers and a lump in my throat to think that your flowers, first offered in friendship, are then offered in prayer. a simple act - so profound.
Thank you!
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