Today, I think that I am most grateful that I had yet another difficult day of living in my head, in a negative way. Sure, it seems paradoxical that negative would be a positive, but it takes experiencing the self-defeating thoughts and too much energy on the imagined thoughts and perceived actions of others to remind myself of its prior absence when I instead put that energy into making myself strong enough to love myself.
To love myself is to do the things I know that are healthy for me - such as eat well, exercise, meditate, read and believe affirmations, give thanks, be present, create/maintain/follow our budget, listen to music, sing, dance, go to bed on time, write, and give/receive love to both myself and with those around me.
I just remembered something I read that an acquaintance shared yesterday: If you're tired of starting over, then don't stop. Hmmmm, seems scarily appropriate. And that's what my blog is all about - starting now to finish, or in this case, to continue - hopefully to reap a lifetime of its benefits and to pass on to my daughters something of value that they too can learn for themselves what it means to love their own unique being and how they express that in the world.
Hopefully, Lily's off to a good start. As we laid in bed tucked under the covers together on Monday morning relishing in the slowness of a free day off, she said, "Watch Mom, I'm going to send myself a message." She typed for a few minutes on her iPod while I read my book, then said, "Look what I sent - 'I love you so so so so so so much!!!' " I smiled and said, "That's so wonderful Lily! That's so very important that you love yourself! I'm so proud of you!"
Also thankful today for:
A great first billing cycle after open enrollment at work - a huge improvement over last year.
Settling into a routine after school for the two days a week I get to pick Lily up from school: snacks together, me doing my work that I brought home, and Lily doing her homework, all in a peaceful house - just the two of us.
A snack of graham crackers spread with Nutella and topped with banana slices.
A dear friend who is one of few who chooses to communicate mostly via snail mail. In the mailbox waiting for us: a card for Lily, a calendar for Emmy, a New Nest card announcing her new Sedona address, a box of old but new belts, a cherry/olive pitter that looks like a bird's beak, and an article for Andy on a chef in Chicago who I didn't know tops his list of favorite, most admired chefs.
An evening walk with Molly.
A phone call with Dad where I really got to listen to him - his thoughts, fears, plans, accomplishments, and learning. I loved every second of his voice talking with me.
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